I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
