We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
