he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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