Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I look better un-naked...
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
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Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
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sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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