i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
