The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
