this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
