i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
