3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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