ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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