i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
