I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
