im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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