Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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