Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
