i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
