I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
