i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
