now i know why i became what i already was.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
