Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
