just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
