No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
