My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
