4 words: hood of his car
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Randomize
