i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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