And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
