the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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