My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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