if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
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If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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