I looked at my own cervix.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
