just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
