In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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