The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize