just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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