yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
