Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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