I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
