going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
