ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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