I just made out with a guy for $7.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize