She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
