This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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