Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
