When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
