he wants to bone in the snuggie
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
