i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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