I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize