Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
So squirting runs in the family.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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