I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
