Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
