i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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