she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize