I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
