do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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