DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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