please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Randomize
