I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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