chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
