dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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