I am in a vortex of obligation.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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