I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
