I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
