my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
