hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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