Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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