Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
