you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
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