just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize