Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
