conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
