He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
