I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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