Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
