Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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