It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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